Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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