I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
