it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
