i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
where does the pee come out of this thing
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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