He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
