Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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