I'm going to rape someone's good day.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
