I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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