her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
