If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
