How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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