We're facebook friends in real life
I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
