Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
