She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
