I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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