i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
