you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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