This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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