You really coming over, don't trick.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
