i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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