literally had 100 drinks last night.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
