Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
