so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
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