i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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