I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
