yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize