hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
