Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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