his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
