My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
