I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
