I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
