the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
