I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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