When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
