mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
