For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
