If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
