I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize