I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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