I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
