She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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