well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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