fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
