everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
