does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
