Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
