WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
