I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
