I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
