i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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