Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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