I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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