omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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