I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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