Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
