i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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