OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
