I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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