I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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