She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize