just come out here and I will go home with you...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
